Understanding our emotions is the first step in becoming the best expression of ourselves. Have you ever reacted to a situation and later realized that you did something wrong? It’s common to feel a certain type of shame or guilt within yourself. For example, the way you responded to your coworkers, your partner, or your children. Even the way you treat yourself after something goes wrong can affect your emotions.
Let´s begin with understanding your ego
When you feel discomfort, your ego jumps out of you and starts saying things like “he deserved that because…” or “I deserve this because I always…”. It’s essential to understand that the ego is not who we are but drives our lives most of the time. The ego defines our personality, reactions, beliefs, and even our values. When we start a personal or spiritual transformation and become conscious of our ego, our real self starts to flourish. Note that the ego is different from self-love or self-respect.
Sometimes the back and forth in your mind gets so strong that you need to exteriorize it by telling your version of the story to other people. You seek acceptance, and your ego confirms that it was right and justifies its reaction. But be careful. Sometimes, apologies are just another ego-related action and are accompanied by other tools like playing the victim role or confirming that you are still right and the other person needs to change.
You cannot lie to your real self. Even though your ego has confirmation, your chest still feels that you did something wrong. Your egoic mind is so strong that it defeats your feelings to “ignore” the discomfort, happening over and over again, so your life becomes an eternal chain of reaction, discomfort, ego, and ignorance. This is how many of us live our lives, waiting for things to happen to react or attack. It’s like you’re standing in a defense line, shooting down all the things that are near the wall of your feelings without even knowing what is approaching.
The only real thing putting your inner peace at risk is your ego’s modus operandi. It’s this mind-creation that doesn’t allow you to eliminate the discomforts of your heart, straightening the suffering and the pain body. Ego determines most of the time that person you don’t really want to be, those things that you know you have to stop doing to become a better version of yourself, or those characteristics of your personality that are in your new year’s resolutions.
The first steps for understanding emotions
Now that you have a better idea of what the ego is and how it feels let me share some tools you can start practicing right now to decrease the number of “I’m sorries” to yourself and others.
- First, start identifying the triggers. When negative emotions arise, observe what happens to your body, identify where you feel it in your body, and what triggered that emotion.
- Second, connect this feeling with previous sensations. Try to feel when you have had a similar sensation.
- Third, bring yourself to your body by using techniques like “please breathe” or “count until 100”. These techniques are powerful because they pull you back to the present moment and keep you outside your mind, weakening the power of the ego and all its negativity.
- Finally, acknowledge other people’s egos. We all have to deal with our minds and egos to control our reactions. Understanding that most people react unconsciously opens the door to compassion.
Remember that when you take responsibility for your emotions, you empower yourself to live a more fulfilling and peaceful life. Understanding emotions is key to becoming the best version of yourself.
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